sort of looking back at 2012

I got this from one of the many blogs that I am following: kateonthinice who has set this as a sort of look back on 2012...


1. What was your happiest event?
Marrying Hubby in August 
2. What was the saddest thing to happen?
Having a miscarriage... but it also gave a glimmer of small hope...
3. What was the most unlikely thing to happen that actually went ahead and did?
I'm guessing the wedding actually happening and going ahead without a hitch even with a small amount of rain
4. Who let you down?
I don't think anyone has let me down as far as I can remember 
5. Who supported you?
My hubby, my mum, my brothers, my best friends, they've all been there for me throughout all of the year
6. Tell us one thing you learned
I've learned that the smallest things can try you whilst the large elephant in the room will usually be something that will just make you laugh
7. Tell us one thing that made you laugh
Looking back at photos from the year and remembering the silly things that photos have been taken off.. such as hubby being covered in make-up by god daughter...
8. Tell us one thing that made you cry
Being stood with hubby saying our vows together...
9. Tell us three things your child or children did to make you feel proud.
er...?
10. Tell us one thing that made you proud of yourself.
Being able to take a step forward from some of the issues that were in my past and being able to tell people who are close to me what is going on
11. Tell us one challenge you overcame
Stress and depression before the wedding and from my job...
12. Tell us three things you would like to change about your life in 2013.
hmmm... 
1. To loose some weight for myself, not going to set a target because I might not make it and then get annoyed at myself.. lol
2. To be more positive about myself and not let little things bother me as much
3. To gain more child care experience.. =)

Cabrini interview

Hello

I have had a rather rubbish christmas, granted this was mainly due to getting the evil D&V bug in the early hours of christmas eve and spending the rest of the night, day, night and day feeling like death warmed up and so didn't really have a christmas day. 

I am however now feeling a lot better than I was and we are having a belated christmas dinner tomorrow...

So today... We had our Cabrini initial interview today, we both came away from this one feeling a lot more positive, and even though some of the topics that were brought up obviously were a bit hard as I'm still not used to talking about them yet, but I felt more positive. I felt that the lady who was doing the interview was someone who understood more that people's life weren't all rose petals and sugar plums and that most people have shards of glass and poisonous snakes in theirs, and so talking to her it was more human. 

 Hubby and I need to now decide if we are going to go forward with them. Granted Hubby is going to get in touch with the LA to find out if they will go forward with us or not.. 

 

Quick Takes 2

1.
This week I have been ill with the dreaded diarrhoea and vomiting bug... needless to say it was not very nice...

2.
Had a fun games night with a couple of friends playing various games together and odd conversations that always ensue.. especially when we were still playing games together at 1am...

3.
We have decorated for christmas, we have a real christmas tree and all of the decorations are up and the lights are on.. all very christmassy... hehe

4.
I have been a swan... 

5.
Work has been it's normal self, still enjoying it, getting into my own sort of place there which is good, and it seems that all of the staff have accepted the craziness that is me... granted there are some things that I still feel I have no idea about but I'm sure they will come in time.. and one day I'll have enough stomach to actually empty an Illeostomy bag, because so far I have ran away from this at every opportunity... 

6.
We went to see the Hobbit which is a very a good film and was actually quite enjoyable, even though I have not read the book for a long time...

7.
I love my hubby =)

yuck.

Today I have mainly felt like I have no idea what is going on any more. I don't feel very christmassy and I really don't feel like I want to face the world.

I did however go into town and take the bits to the charity shop and then wandered around the shops, being blasted with christmas music, and feeling like I could be doing something else, but oh hum, got a few little bits for hubby for christmas and the bits I needed to get... 

Going to try and get the tree up this evening, so that hopefully it'll put me in a better mood... and get this christmas thing out of the way sooner rather than later... 

 

twice in one day

Two posts in one day...

I'm still sat contemplating what the initial interview was all about and what came out of it.

• I have to be aware that when we meet with Cabrini that they may indeed have the same sort of concerns over my mental health issues, but I also need to make sure that I make it very clear that I am on top of it and that it doesn't have such an impact on my life as it might have come across as today.

• I have already started looking for nurseries so I can get some experience with younger children as this is why they suggested we only went for one child and not siblings, which does indeed seem rather harsh, especially as some people give birth to twins and have no experience... but I will indeed persevere with getting the experience...

• The flat didn't seem to be too much of an issue, the SW did like the size of the room and that it would be more than suitable for a child and even to have bunk beds in it.. so that's a positive... a negative.. the fact that the flat felt so cold this morning, we'd had heaters on but it still seemed cold and we were both sat here trying not to shiver and show that it was absolutely freezing...   

Oh well.. one day things will go right...

Why???

Hello...

So we have had out initial interview, and I think we both have mixed feelings towards how it went.

Everything seemed to be going fine until she realised I had no childcare experience with younger children despite looking into this and having plans in place to gain this experience... and  then we got on to the medical section and well I felt like I might as well have just put a huge NO on our form then. PCOS -not too bad, didn't seem to mind, discussed why we didn't have IVF and seemed ok with our reasoning. IBS- likewise was fine with it as it is under control with the help of medication. 

However the minute I mentioned the depression (which I have had since I was 13/14 and have only had one other serious issue of which was when my dad passed away) she appeared to have put up every barrier she could possibly think off, I understand that they have to be cautious and not put children into a home where one of the parents could have a melt down, however when you are a mental health nurse and know your own signs and symptoms which by now I do know and so does Hubby it seems absolutely ridiculous that this could be the one thing that is going to stop us from actually being able to be a forever family for such a deserving child... 

Needless to say she has spent the time saying how she wasn't sure that they would take us forward, or if they would they would want the medical report done before the preparation course which I suppose makes sense but it just makes it seem like all the crap that happened in my past is actually going to stop me from being able to move forward in this way... 

I have been ringing around local nurseries to try and get someone to let me come in and volunteer to get some experience. There is nothing I can do about my past and the depression but I guess I'm just going to have to make the rest of it shine so that they can ignore that... lol

We do have another initial interview with Cabrini coming up just after Christmas, so that will be something to look forward too as well as Christmas obviously...    

We aren't doing a whole lot for Christmas this year, but what we are doing will be both homely and with family. Hubby's Dad is spending the actual day with us but we won't be going over the top. Shall be putting up the Christmas decorations at some point over the next week or so...

Update =)

I'm sorry to say that I've not updated recently.. I've been very busy getting all of the flat tidy for the meeting on Wednesday... but also I've been very busy at work, getting into the swing of a new job...

So we are now ready to meet with the social worker on Wednesday, my head is swimming with what might be said and what might happen and there are numerous worries as well, but I'm hopefully... I'm sure we will both keep our heads above the water..

Depending on what they say there are other things that we can do to make our chances that slight bit better... but we will keep our fingers and probably toes crossed that it goes well and the social worker says YES!!!

I start with the brownies on Tuesday, granted they break up for Christmas after that, but it's a good to get my feet in and ready to get started after Christmas. It'll be another tick in the box as well, but it'll be fun to do as well 

Work is going well, granted it's taking me a while to get my footing but it's getting there and I'm enjoying it... The residents are all interesting in their own ways which makes it so interesting and also so much fun to do... I'm in the pantomime at work and I get to be a swan... lol go figure it's going to be fun...

However I seriously doubt I'm going to look at anything like the photo above, but I'm going to have wings and white clothes... however I'm going to have to do some crazy dancing... hehe