Day 3 of the adoption training course...
Today it started with information on concurrency, (which is where you foster first then adopt (in short)) and with a couple of adopters who had been through it. Then it was on to a chat with a foster social worker who continued to tell us more on concurrency. We also had a foster carer come in to give us the information on this and how the introductions work from their side. We also heard the male perspective on adoption (which hubby was glad off). The afternoon we spoke about adopters profiles and child profiles in the books and other publications sent out. Finally we had one of the social services solicitors talking about the legal side of everything...
So the main thing I want to focus this on is the concurrency issue. It means that you could end up with a baby, either newborn or a few weeks old (which is what we want) however the draw back is that you are fostering, the child still has to go off to contact with birth mum (you don't take them) and there's a slim chance that the child could go back to birth mum but the social workers on the the case are pretty certain that this isn't going to happen and are building evidence against this happening. Once the evidence has been built up they then go for a placement order on the child and then they go for a quick matching panel and the child becomes yours.
Granted they don't offer these placements to everyone but who knows they might offer it to us, if they do I think we would be seriously tempted in taking it. Obviously it would be a risk... but possibly worth it... We have sorta re thought what age we'd like and I think we've both come to the conclusion that the younger the better, if only because it'll feel more like our own but also should hopefully come with less issues...
This evening we went to see Robot & Frank which is actually a very funny film and worth the watch if you can see it... It's all about a gentleman with dementia whose family get him a robot to help him around the house, however he teaches the robot to help him rob places... it's all sort of surreal but at the same time it is a great film... best lines: Frank "I'm just starting to like you." Robot "It's time for your enema Frank."
Anyway day four tomorrow...
Day three done. Its such an intense time, hitting a film after must be just what the doctor ordered!
ReplyDeleteI'm really fretting over how to comment here; about two of the things the prep course seems to have told you: that concurrency isn't an essential way of supporting and preserving children within families under crisis, and that younger children come with less issues. I've possible understood this wrong, but did it seem right to you, or did it feel misleading? Just needed to check!!
Good luck on day 4. Mx
Obviously we are aware that concurrency is to try and get the child back to birth mum but obviously the LA won't place a child with you unless they are pretty sure that it will lead to adoption.
DeleteWe are well aware that the younger the child it doesn't mean less issues.
Day four was a interesting I'll try and do an update later on it.
I wasn't questioning you (hope you didn't think that), was wondering about what *they* were talking about! I speak at to two different agency prep courses, and some of the things the SW say are so misleading, it makes me so sad - and mad!! Looking forward to the update. Mx
ReplyDeleteI didn't think that...
DeleteSometimes I do think the SW don't know what they are on about... as highlighted in one of my early posts...
They were very clear that it is a very risky thing to do and it isn't for everyone... I guess we will way up the risk nearer the time
the concurrency thing must bring a connundrum of very mixed feelings - and the pull of wanting a baby is presumably a strong one - hopefully you wont have to decide on this too quickly, to give yourselves time to make the right decision for you.
ReplyDeleteConcurrency was something I only found out about recently as it was not something that was even mentioned in our prep. Whilst I see the great benefits to a young child, not being moved on several times and possibly being with a new forever family from early on, I can't imagine how heartbreaking it could be for the foster/adoptive parents if the child returns to birth family. I would just take great consideration of this if it is something you are thinking of and ask lots of questions.
ReplyDeleteGlad you found a great way to unwind after what sounds like an intense day. And thanks for being part of the Weekly Adoption Shout Out. x
Concurrency had just started to be brought in with our first adoption. Your LA do more of it than ours from what I can tell. We decided against it as we felt that our hearts were bruised enough without bringing a child into our lives that we might have to say goodbye to, even with a very small risk of that happening. I do know people who have done it though and it has been successful. A friend of mine did it with your LA. If this ever comes up though ensure you check what the contact arrangements have been so far for the baby and whether the FC was taking them or if they were being collected and also how they were reacting to it. Attachment issues can start very early on and these are really important questions to ask beforehand. We've only learned a bit more about this due to some issues arising for a friend.
ReplyDeleteWe adopted Katie when she was 2 years old. She had been in FC since birth and, for a variety of reasons, wasn't freed for adoption until she was nearly 2. I wanted to reassure you that we bonded with her very easily and she hasn't come to us with any difficult issues. She has her stuff going on but there is a lot to be said also for knowing if the child is meeting their developmental markers etc. This time round we are adopting a 5 month old baby, who is Katie's bio brother, and it will be interesting to see how it all pans out in comparison.x
I am sort of uming and ahing about concurrency if only because I'm not sure how I would cope if they did go back to BM...
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