Adoption Worries and the Gym

So... Tuesday is the day... the day that our lives will be decided in terms of our adoption journey...

Hubby seems to be going from one view to the other, saying one minute that he is feeling very confident that panel will see it our way, but then the next minute he is saying that it is not going to go well and we will be turned down and have to go to an independent review.
 
Me... I don't know, I'm trying to block it out to be honest, when I think about it my head gets very confused and to be honest I feel angry. Angry that the arsehole that screwed up my teenage years could now be screwing up our shot at having a family. I don't show it on the outside, its an internal anger and to be honest it's something I need to hold in as I feel I need to be strong for Hubby.

I joined the gym on monday. I was weighed on monday 120kg (a lot I know but it's why I'm at the gym) at the gym and I was weighed today (as I had a personal trainer taster) and I've lost a kg in under the week. I'm loving the gym, I feel very motivated but also I'm enjoying the work outs. 

My workout today consisted of: 

• 10 mins on the cross trainer with increasingly difficulty for the warm up
• 5 mins of rowing
• Then the personal trainer... which started with:
• lunges
• rope work
• squats
• treadmill
• backwards lunges
• more rope work
• TRX suspension work
• steping
• up hill treadmill
• boxing - jabs, upper cuts and hooks
• cross trainer to cool down

Once I'd finished my marathon hour and a half session I went and sat in the jacuzzi to help ease my muscles (which was really nice)

I now feel absolutely shattered and in need of sleep, but I'm going to try and stay awake until 9ish so I can get a decent nights sleep.. however staying awake for what will be almost 30 hours straight might not be so easy...