It's never easy to type how you feel when someone seems to be looking over your shoulder the whole time. Don't get me wrong I know hubby will read this and I truly love him with all my heart, but sometimes its easier to write things when you know he's not paying attention or in this case sleeping.
Why am I still awake? I can't seem to switch off at the moment. Having discussed so much today with my mum and her partner it seems like I've been emptied.
Hubby spoke this evening about how he is wondering if we've fully been down the IVF route. t sure if there even is this route. I can't loose the 10% of my body weight that they require me too no matter how hard I try unless I physically starve myself which will do no one any good. And as we don't have the money for any sort of surgery to achieve the same goal I don't see how IVF can be a viable option.
Spending the next two or so years of my life on a diet or even a year on some high intensity diet makes me cringe at the thought. The fact that then we'd have to go through the whole IVF process again and if it didn't work wait another year before thinking about adoption just feels me with dread. I don't want to wait 3/4 years before having a child...
Aren't the past 3 enough?
We then spoke of surrogacy and what our thoughts were on that. I'm against it, as the only way we could do it would be with another woman's egg and hubbys sperm, and knowing that the child would be half his and someone else's just doesn't feel right. Having to adopt your own child just seems wrong to me...
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